1 Missed Call
by UnseasonedTurkey
Summary: He wished Dean had picked up the phone.


**Oh god this one's gonna hurt. **

**4x22**

**~SPN~**

He messed up.

He messed up big time.

He shouldn't have listened to Ruby. He should have listened to Bobby, and Cas.

God he should've listened to Dean.

Because maybe, maybe if he had, then he wouldn't be dying.

He sat there, propped up against a wall as pain raced through his system, eyes burning after seeing Lucifer be set free, skin crawling and tingling with fire because of his overworked demon-influenced abilities, fingers and toes numb and cold. His head was cracking open, he was sure of it, the migraine he had resembled an axe swinging into his head, over, and over, and over again.

That pain couldn't compare to the guilt though. No. The guilt he had was ten times larger than the pain, every fiber of his being was being laced with guilt. The guilt in knowing that he started the apocalypse, the guilt of knowing that he'd let Dean down, the one thing he'd never wanted to ever do. But the amount of times he's done it is uncanny.

The guilt that he'd never been a decent son to his dad, the guilt of knowing that Dean had sold his _soul, _for a fuck-up like him, that Dean had _gone to hell, _for _him. _Out of all people, Dean went for him. And then, when he came back, he'd let him down again, his addiction getting in the way of what had mattered most to him before. He let a fucking _demon,_ control what he did, let it lead him down a path that everybody had warned him about.

Speaking of Ruby.

Heaving a pained sigh, he let his eyes train on the backstabbing bitch he had managed to kill—damn it felt good feeling the knife sink into her—and let his thoughts drift.

How could he be that oblivious, how could he not see it sooner, how excited Ruby was to kill Lilith, how _unnatural _it seemed. The only reason he wanted to kill Lilith in the first place was to let Dean out of his contract, but after he had gone to Hell anyway, he still listened to Ruby, believing her when she said that if he killed Lilith, Dean would be set free. Even after Dean came back, he was so hellbent on revenge he didn't even care.

He should've listened.

He needed to get out of here, to find Dean, warn him, try to _save him. _He opened his mouth to shout, hoping somebody was nearby after hearing, or seeing, what happened, but nothing but a pathetic whimper came out. He tried again, and managed to say one thing.

"Dee,"

His brother, he just wanted his big brother. Dean. Dean would make it all better, he always did, ever since he was little, it was always Dean.

But then that voicemail came back to his mind.

"_Listen to me you blood sucking freak, Dad always said I'd either have to save you, or kill you. Well I'm giving you fair warning, I'm done trying to save you. You're a monster Sam, a vampire, you're not you anymore, and there's no going back."_

_Blood sucking freak_.

_Vampire._

_Monster. _

Three knives to the heart.

_I'm done trying to save you. _

Add another one.

He might want Dean, but he knew Dean didn't want him.

Sam weakly grasped at the wall he was sitting against, trying to stand up but crying out in pain when his body decided to flip out, sending electric currents through his nervous system.

He collapsed back to the ground, tears making their way down his face. He couldn't get up, he wasn't able to move, he couldn't call for help, he couldn't do anything.

He was going to die alone.

And he deserved it.

_No,_ he thought, _Dean doesn't deserve that. He didn't deserve to find my body like this. Not when there's so much to apologize for. _

He willed his hand to move into his coat pocket, flimsy grabbing the phone that was it in. Once it was out of his pocket, he flipped it open, calling Dean.

It rang once,

It rang twice,

It rang three times,

And a fourth and a fifth and a sixth and a seventh before a recorded message asking for a voicemail in his brothers voice responded.

He sobbed and waited for the beep so he could leave a message. Once he heard it, he cut his sobs off, hoping it could save Dean from some pain.

"H-hey Dean," he started weakly. "I, uh," he couldn't do this, he let out a shaky sigh and quickly pulled himself together again. "I messed up, I messed up big time, and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He wanted to say so much more, but had such little time. "I set Lucifer free. Turns. . . Turns out Lilith was the last seal." he took a shaky breath. "And all that stuff about the demon blood and Ruby, I. . . I hope you can forgive me. I hope you can see me as your. . . Your little brother again." A half sob, half laugh came out of him. "Don't blame yourself, please, just," he choked. "just save the world for me, ok? I love you Dee, and I'm sorry." He could feel the life leaving him quickly. "Jerk." he managed.

The voicemail ended with a dull beep, and the phone clattered to the ground, the small sound echoing through the church. He just hoped Dean got the message quickly, hoped he could see his brother one last time.

We don't always get what we want do we?

He could feel blood spray on his lips as he coughed it up, his insides ripping to shreds as the effects of the demon blood kicked in. Why did he drink so much, why did he ever trust Ruby, why the hell did he trust a demon, a _demon, _over his own flesh and blood brother who had practically raised him since he was four?

He saw it from Dean's point of view now, how off the rails he'd gone, how insane he sounded, how _evil_ he was. He didn't know how his brother managed to stay with him for more than a week. Hell, he was _drinking _demon blood like it was water, he was exorcising demons with his _mind. _He really was a grade A Freak.

Blood started to trickle down from his mouth, creating a red streak when he tried to wipe his mouth with a weak, trembling hand. Dean would've done it for him, would've taken that bandana that has seen better days and cleaned everything up, just like he always does.

Did. Like he always did. Past tense phrase there.

The coldness was spreading now, going from his fingers and toes, to his hands and feet, but not stopping there. The numbness traveled up his arms and legs slowly, he knew it was a matter of time before it reached his heart.

He tried to stand again, not wanting death to win over him. He wasn't going to go out like this, no, he couldn't, he _wouldn't. _But deep down he knew he would, no matter what he did. Dean wouldn't answer his phone, angel's would never answer his prayer, Dad was dead, Ellen and Jo were to far out, and Bobby probably wouldn't answer either. He was stuck here, for good.

His legs wouldn't work right, but he managed to make it an inch or two away from Ruby, from the swirling circle of blood on the cold stone floor, from Lilith's dead meat suit.

His breaths were slower now, mimicking his heartbeat. He was fading slowly and painfully. He wished he would die quickly, a gun in his hand and his brother by his side, not like this.

The coldness was in his chest now, and he knew his time was up.

He managed a raspy, "Dean," before his heart stopped, the world became black, and after that he knew nothing.

~**SPN**~

**And that's it. I'll edit this a lil bit more if I have to later but for now we'll leave this here. **

**Hope you enjoy and please review!**


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